Hard to Pretend
by yello13
Summary: After 4x11. She's a Valkyrie. She doesn't do comfort. She isn't the one to hug a person and say it's okay. In fact she really isn't one to care for anyone elses feelings but her own. That's how it use to be. That's who she wants to be but, then she see's Kenzi's tears...and she doesn't understand.


**A/N I will be updating my other stories soon for those who have beeñ waiting. So look out. Por favor review.**

The room is silent and deppresing to say the least. It had a darkness that even the usual shade of the crack shack couldn't surpass. No, the room itself wasn't the cause of this shady domain but it was the shattered woman lying on the bed, crying.

Tamsin looked down to the floor. It was hard to look at her. Of all the scenes Tamsin had seen in her life she had never failed to be unbothered by them. She had seen men fall to their death and children weeping over their parent's bodies. She had seen rape and disease and verbal assaut upon innocent creatures. She had seen everything and yet this scene affected so wholeheartedly that it was a struggle to observe.

Something just felt wrong. _Everything_ felt wrong, the air, the ground, the fucking situation itself just felt wrong. It was hard to explain. It was mostly hard to understand.

She's a Valkyrie. She doesn't do comfort. She isn't the one to hug a person and say it's okay. In fact she really isn't one to care for anyone elses feelings but her own. That's how it use to be. That's who she wants to be but, then she see's Kenzi's tears...

She shuffles beside the bed and fully takes in Kenzi's features. She observes her red eyes that stared of into space and the sore nose that struggled to take in air. She recognizes her messy hair that on a regular ocasion would have meant happy snorts and quick-witted snips.

Tamsin laughs slightly. Last time Kenzi's hair was that messy it had been right after...

Then there's a ting. A ting in her heart for remembering the happy thought. There's a remorse for not being there for Hale, for Kenzi. It's terrifying.

What's even more terrifying is that she's never been this scared. Not even the Wanderer could make her quake with so much fear. She had faced death several times and still the scene before her-of the broken girl in front of her, had made her more scared then in any of her lifetimes.

And that shouldn't happen. She's a valkyrie after all.

But she's afraid. It's easy to explain and Hard to understand, but she is.

She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know what to do. Tamsin just doesn't do this. SHe doesn't care about people's feelings. SHe doesn't give a damn about crying or whining or death or people. She _shouldn't_!

She just..."Hi" Tamsin waves softly.

She feels like she should give some assurance like she should be able to stop the tears with just the simple word but Kenzi doesn't even acknowledge her. She just continues staring at the walls with that same blank stare.

Tamsin doesn't look her in the eyes though. That's too hard and it makes a lump pull at her throat that she doesn't quite know what the cause is. She smiles though. The smile is like a prayer for a returning one to be pointed at her.

She doesn't understand how this could happen. It's like hours ago she had scene her friend remotely happy and now she was shattered. This woman had raised her. For a month, yes, but raised her none the less. She had read her bed time stories and tried to make cookies for her. She had saved her and nurtured her in a way she hadn't been for 400 years. She had been her friend. She had been the friend who never judged. She had been her sister. The sister who meddled in her love life. Most importantly she had been her mother and for the first time in centuries Tamsin had felt _loved_.

Now. Now Kenzi needed her and she had no ideal what to do.

She looked at Kenzi again. The girl was half naked without a blanket and Tamsin would be a fool to not at least realize that Kenzi was cold. She was shivering if that was any hint.

"Hi" Tamsin said again as she place the folded blanket at the edge of the bed onto Kenzi.

She ponders over whether she should sit, wonders if it'll make a difference. Sit or Stand? In the end she just picked the former. She was tired of standing anyway.

At this level it's easier to stare into Kenzi's eyes and this time she actually does. The lump in her throat get's tighter. She see's Kenzi searching for words to say. She watches as her lips form into o's and other vowels that should form a word. Then just before it looks like Kenzi's going to speak her words become sobs and Tamsin's heart break.

"Shhhh" she shushes in a whisper. She climbs into the covers with Kenzi and brushes her hair back while intertwining her fingers in small strands. "I know...Honey" Falls of her lips in a almost question while she hugs Kenzi's body to hers.

It's the only word that comes to her mind. It's the only sentence that seems to even be plausable to make her understand. Kenzi had to understand.

"I know" She shushed. "I know. I know. I know."

She understood what it was now.

She had read it once before in a book somewhere. She remembered thinking it was total cliche.

_"Nothing hurts more than seeing your mom cry"_

She understands. That's easy.

What's hard is she's can't understand why she cares. She can't remember when she started loving people.

Love

It's hard to explain, hard to undertand and she doubts she ever will.

She's a valkyrie after all.

So instead she hugs Kenzi. She pats her back and brushed her hair back. She even places a kiss on her forehead when Kenzi has finally gone to sleep.

Then she cries, because she's hurting too. She cries because her heart can't take much more. She cries because she doesn't know if her mother is coming back. All she can do is pretend.

"I know"


End file.
